Being pregnant...

I feel like since I've been pregnant I complain a LOT. Maybe that's just normal...it's easy to express your discomforts and pains, but not so fun to talk about what is GREAT about pregnancy. Not sure why that is...but I have just had a lot of fun complaining! But before this big process is over I guess I'd better post on how much I have LOVED being pregnant in spite of the incessant heartburn and getting bigger by the day...but I digress...

I looked in the mirror today at my big belly and realized how much I will miss it when it's gone! I of course cannot WAIT to have my waistline back...but I have grown quite used to that big bump. I remember being SO excited to finally show! I was one of those who was not hiding it by any means, but poking it out before it was even there! I have been so proud of this baby bump. I would almost get mad when people couldn't tell by looking at me that I was CLEARLY pregnant. What, did they think I was just fat? Probably...

Anyway...I have waited a long time to be pregnant. I have wanted a baby since I was married the first time, and am SO thankful no baby came of that relationship. But even though I was living a single life I STILL could not wait to become a mommy. So when Ben and I had only been married for 3 months I was THRILLED when he agreed to try for a baby! The conversation went something like this..I remember it very clearly. We were laying on our bed and I was whining about how yet ANOTHER friend of mine was pregnant...and I said " I just feel like it's my TURN!" Ben said very quietly.. "Me too..." I had to probe him for a long time to get him to repeat what he'd said to know if I'd heard him right!!! He finally admitted to saying it and said we could start trying but I HAD to keep it a secret. Ok..sure..I could do that. YEAH RIGHT.

A LOT of people knew I was trying the longer we tried unsuccessfully to get pregnant. We started in August and it took until March for it to happen. I was pretty much resigning myself to the fact that it'd never happen. I'd never be pregnant...and I was even getting used to the idea of adopting if we had to! My last breakdown was about a week before I found out I was pregnant. I cried in Ben's lap and wanted him to just be as mad as I was...and he was. He let me rant and rave. I even said "I'll feel so stupid if this turns out to be the month I actually AM pregnant.." Maybe that sealed the deal? Who knows...but I WAS pregnant!

I still remember my shock at seeing that little pink line. Could it really be? FINALLY?! I have never been so over the moon for anything in my life. And I still am...and know I always will be when this baby is concerned! It's amazing how that little line on a pregnancy test has turned into this big growing, kicking, amazing little boy in my ever growing belly!

I have loved feeling him kick, turn, hiccup and sometimes even tickle me. I love knowing he's in there all safe and sound. It has been the easiest babysitting I've ever done! It amazes me that he can survive in there without air or real food...but when he's out I have to watch him so carefully to make sure the temperature is right, he is eating enough, pooping enough, sleeping enough and getting enough love (which won't be hard). I feel like this baby is so self sufficient now...and he'll be born so helpless! Ha ha..how backwards is that?

Anyway, in spite of all the discomfort...being pregnant has been one of the greatest blessings. I know part of me will miss it. I have really gotten used to it and dare I say...I can't wait to be pregnant again when this is all over! I guess that's the beauty of motherly love. I know this is one of the greatest most meaningful things I have ever done in my life...and I know I have a big responsibility ahead in bringing up a little baby who will become a grown person with goals and dreams of his own. I hope he knows how much he is loved already and that I will enjoy motherhood as much as I have enjoyed being pregnant!