I LOVE being a mom. I had a month a while back where I didn't like it so much. I was tired and crying a lot and asking WHY can't I just ENJOY this phase?! I know it won't last forever! But things changed, kids started sleeping a bit better and I am finally ENJOYING motherhood again. The transition to two has been interesting and I don't know what I'd do if I didn't live with family. I guess adjust--the way all moms do. But I am a lucky girl.
There have been moments lately that take my breath away and even bring tears to my eyes. Watching my sons together is the sweetest thing ever. A couple weeks ago Connor hurt Parker- he bit his hand and Parker was SO sad. In the midst of this I was mad at Connor and telling him how mean that was and he needed to say sorry. He came over to Parker and said "I'm sorry Parker--I love you- so much!" It was the first time Connor had really ever said I love you without being prompted and the fact that he said it to his brother was SO tender. He comforts him all the time and tells him "It's ok Parker. Does that feel better? I love you!" He even says "I love you Parkin' Lot!" which is my dad's nickname for Parker. The way Parker watches Connor tells me he loves him too. I sometimes feel bad that Parker will never get to have me all to himself- he's not the first born. But then I realize how lucky he is to have an older brother. One like Connor- he's insanely lucky!
It's HARDER than I ever thought to be the mother of a two year old. He honestly is the BUSIEST kid I've ever been around. He breaks everything and is deliberately naughty a LOT. But for all his naughtiness he has just as much tenderness and sweetness and love. He asks me "whats' wrong mommy?" when I'm hurt or when he can just tell I'm stressed. He says "I'm sorry mommy" when he makes me upset. He always has had good manners but to be a caring person is so wonderful.
It's so easy to feel like a crappy mom when I don't dedicate every waking second to watching my kids play and learn. I spend some time working on organizing our house or doing some photo editing. I even spend some of their "play" time behind the lens of my camera working on my skills. But then I have moments like today that make me realize I'm doing an ok job- and I am living out the greatest dream I ever had- being a mommy. Connor LOVES the primary song "Whenever I hear the Song of a Bird". He knows it very well as well as a lot of other songs since we got him a primary piano for Christmas. He watches this music video and not a time goes by that I don't cry a little. But today I watched/listened to him sing along to the video and I felt the spirit SO strong. I know the Lord's angels are surrounding us when those moments happen. I know the sacred role I possess is glorified in those moments- and I feel comfort to have patience and do my very best as a mommy.