Rants and Raves

Ok so I need a little bit of an outlet...Andrea asked me if I was still alive- and the answer is---BARELY! Ben and I are on our last stress strand, and trying SO hard to keep the faith. We have been doing so well at paying our tithing-never ever missed a month, we started going to the temple again, and we read our scriptures and pray every day. ANYWAY--that's not to brag but to say we are much like the people in the scriptures, in the Book of Mormon...when things get hard they humble themselves. Well...we are definitely humbled. I don't want a pity party from this post, maybe just some extra prayers or to know someone is thinking about us- and maybe it'll help those of you who are NOT struggling to be grateful for what you DO have! We know that although we are having a rough time, things still could be worse. ANYWAY...

We changed our minds on that townhouse we wanted to move into. About 48 hours after signing the lease we felt crappy about it and wanted to back out. Unfortunately we had already paid a deposit. UGHHH...650 deposit to be exact! We called them and were perfectly honest about it- some money we thought we'd have didn't come through and we didn't want to have to be in a sticky situation LATER and not be able to pay rent. They said they'd call back- and they didn't. Not for over a week. They were on "vacation" I guess. So then today I check our bank account- they cashed the check. WHAT?!!?!?! What happened to "we'll call you back to discuss what to do???!?!?!?!" OH MY GOSH! So we're freaking out. I went to donate plasma (because that's what I have to do just so we can have money for food and gas and stuff...(it's actually a great source of money and a great way to help people out, but I digress...) and my heart rate was almost too high to donate. So I calmed myself down enough and afterwards Ben called them. They said they didn't call us back because of their vacation and that until they find someone ELSE to rent the place they are going to deduct 20 dollars or so a day from our deposit until they find a replacement. BUT technically our lease hasn't even begun yet because MARCH was FREE.... so they are dragging their feet in faxing the lease to us (yeah we don't even have a copy because they forgot to bring one when they met us to sign the lease). They tried to say they'd fax it Monday because they are-get this- GOING OUT OF TOWN AGAIN!!!!!!! Ben said absolutely not- fax it today. So she said she would but I'm not holding out. How can people be so SO inconsiderate! When someone tellls you- hey we made a mistake signing that lease, we aren't going to be able to pull through on the rent and figured it'd be easier for you guys to find better renters than to deal with that--how do you have the heart to cash a check from them!?!?!?! I know it was our mistake- we signed a lease. We made a BAD choice. But is there any compassion left in the world? I could NEVER do that to a young couple who was struggling. I could never pull up in my big nice motor home on my way to a big vacation and cash someone's check who is apparently having a hard time making ends meet! It just frustrates me beyond belief.

Everyone who reads this blog knows how often I cry ANYWAY...so imagine the water works when this stuff happens. And that's not the only thing. Our bank account in California overdrew because my insurance payment came out before I had time to cancel it. The bank wouldn't help us out at ALL. There goes $75 bucks...and then there's the traffic ticket that apparently was never paid even though Ben mailed a check last year with the ticket. Another $190 dollars. Then there's our OTHER apartment in Cali we had to get out of and still owe $145 dollars on! Those are just the things at the top of my memory. There have been SO many expenses come out of the blue. I know I'm sounding very whiney...but I'm mostly just SO overwhelmed and I feel like this stress will never EVER end. My heart is so tired from all the frustration and stress...it's getting hard to want to do ANYTHING anymore. And I don't understand how a country that is supposedly SO RICH...has people in it that are so POOR. We aren't even the worst case scenario. How come there isn't any relief yet? Why are good people paying for bad greedy people's mistakes???? I know that at the end of the day it's just money...and if all else fails and we don't pay our bills- what's the worst that can happen? We're just like the millions of others out there with bad credit--ok I can handle that.

I AM grateful for what I DO have. And I know things will get better. But please- if you have at least ONE person in your marriage or family employed- be grateful. If you aren't suffering from debt- be 10 X more grateful! If you live on your own and not with parents or your grown children, be thankful. Or even if you HAVE somewhere to live- be grateful- I don't know where we'd be without parents to let us live with them. This just popped into my head... "When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed, when you are discouraged thinking all is lost, count your many blessings name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done..."I suppose that grasping to the gospel and the faith we have will help us get through this- but for now it's just NOT EASY!

Thanks for reading- sorry if I depressed anyone. Just had to get it OUT!!!! :-)