I don't even know...

I've been so excited to post that big "He got the job" post. Because I just knew it would happen. We had such a good feeling about this job from the start. Ben had two great interview experiences, ending with his personal interview in Connecticut last week. HR called him the day after he got home and negotiated salary. She had a real estate agent call us to help us look into housing. She requested a background check. She told him things like "You are the committee's final choice. You are the favorite..." So it was a given.

Well guess what? He didn't get the job. I've never been so mad at an HR representative in my life. Apparently two more people still came out for an interview after Ben. So she had no right to lead him on like that. They told him it was so close it was down to millimeters. He was completely qualified, but there was just one tiny thing this person obviously had that he doesn't. Maybe they live closer, maybe they didn't want to get paid as much...I have no idea.

All I know is my faith is shaken, I'm extremely stressed out and in shock, and feel terrible for my poor husband who woke up with the stomach flu and then got a phone call like that this morning. He immediately started looking for other jobs. There really aren't any....not yet anyway. It took 2 months from the time Ben applied for Yale to find out a verdict. I don't feel like we even have 2 weeks to find another job. I'm just sick. I know things happen for a reason....but right now I just can't see any silver lining. Maybe the fact that I won't live 3000 miles away from home but who knows where the next job application will take us....

I have almost our whole house packed up because I just knew he'd gotten the job. Wouldn't you have thought so too after all that? So now we live in a hell hole dive of a house with nothing on the walls, everything in boxes, and nowhere to go. NOWHERE. I've really never been so scared of the future. My patriarchal blessing says to "doubt not and fear not the future". I'm trying really hard to heed that advice. But we have a baby coming in October, a toddler...a bad economy and no prospects. It was hard to even want to post this on our blog because it really is kind of embarrassing to have to explain that what we thought was going to happen didn't. I hope we see the reason for all things in our lives soon. I hope something even better comes along somehow.

Ben seems to be taking it ok, but I know he's just in shock. I am too but I think we'll switch mentalities very soon.

Please pray for us....

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****A few positives I've considered in the past two hours...

My husband interviewed for a job at YALE. This at least tells people how incredible he is, and he made it to the final cut. We may never know why they chose someone over him. But there's a tiny possibility they might come back to offer the job, if that person doesn't pass a background check. Not holding my breath...but still it's there.

There were about 75 applicants and my husband was one of the last two people to be chosen between. That's something to be proud of.

I'm incredibly proud of my husband, he is definitely handling this better than I thought. I know he'll continue to be dedicated to take care of our family and something will happen. Heavenly Father has got a plan for us and I have to have faith that we're not going to end up living in the gutters...