July 4th 2012!

Our 4th of July was classic and the same as it always is- minus some family members! Usually there are a ton of us gathered but since people have moved out of Cedar not as many made it into grandma Irene's backyard. We still enjoyed some yummy KFC and the company of family. Connor had fun raking imaginary leaves, getting into everything he shouldn't, playing with his cousin Taytum, and eating watermelon! Parker basically relaxed on a blanket with Ben and Ashlee and Desi and enjoyed being outside. He's so easy going! He let me snap some photos of him in this chair. I had to since I did the same with Connor! :) 

We went to the parade before lunch and we BARELY missed getting Connor onto the fire truck to ride. We thought they were always at the end but this year they were at the beginning so we missed it by a minute or less. My mom tried to run with him to get there but still didn't make it. He had fun watching the parade and my dad kept helping him get candy. I think my dad was more obsessed with the candy than Connor but he still enjoyed eating whatever grandpa got for him! 

We went to the park after the parade and had a snow cone, and Ashlee and I sang karaoke. "Before he Cheats" by Carrie Underwood. I'm sure we sounded awful and my cousin said it was a family friendly choice...NOT! :) It was a good day overall! The kids were SO tired by the time we got home so they didn't stay up for fireworks but I went with my parents and Tasha to watch them. We found a little secluded spot on the black hill and avoided most of the traffic. We were right under one of the spots where they were setting them off and that scared us a lot at first! But I'm glad I went. It was beautiful and set to music! We had a funny drive home too with a ward member pulling up beside my dad acting like he was going to pass him. My dad was like "What the hell is he doing?!" and then we realized who it was and spent the rest of the hour laughing with him and their family. My mom loves to laugh- did you know that? Hahaha...Anyway enjoy our day in photos! This is what hangs me up on blogging. Ever since becoming more professional I feel like I have to edit everything I put online. So here are the 4 I actually edited, then 100 unedited collages :)

Easter 2012

I'm REALLLY bad at blogging! So slowly I'm catching up. Here are some photos from Easter!

Connor coloring eggs..I never even got a photo of the finished product! :( But he had a blast doing it!!

It was sort of a rushed Saturday. We colored eggs while getting food together and making salads to take to the park for a picnic. Ben had to work at 2 or 3 so we were sort of limited on time. We went to Tonaquint park and had fun on the playground equipment, having Connor do easter egg hunts with plastic candy filled eggs and eating chicken from Smith's. We went with the Gates family and enjoyed the nice weather and our own pavilion area. Connor was so funny with the egg hunt. He had to look inside each egg before looking for a new one, and had to eat whatever was inside before moving on as well. It was a long process.

 Easter Sunday. What handsome boys I have!

It's funny I guess...

How life has a way of working out. Even though everyone always tells you it will...you don't really want to believe them. Sometimes you do, but it's just too heartbreaking to think that what you think you want isn't really going to be. And to accept that something better is around the corner is to accept that this isn't going to be. Make sense? Well it's been one heck of a year. It's been hell but we have had some happy times and really overall I can say I'm pretty content with life. I love being home a lot and I have loved having Ben home a lot the past year. But it is definitely time for a change of pace and boy will it ever change! So the exciting news is that we have been asked by our neighbors and friends to run a french style cafe with them! It is going to be in downtown Santa Clara, and it's going to be AMAZING. It's called Breakfast at Tifiny's, since Tifiny is the one starting it, along with her husband Earl. They are two of the most interesting and spectacular people I have ever met. To tell you their life story would take me hours of typing. But they have been totally inspired to do this. They started out serving crepes and Navajo tacos at the Tuacahn farmer's market and were approached to set up a permanent cafe a few months ago. Earl is our crossfit trainer (when we make the time to go...we suck lately) and so we had talked with him a few times and I eagerly said that Ben totally wanted to help in any way. We both did. A few months back we had wanted to start our own crepe stand somehow but didn't have the money to put up or the capability to make it happen. Well the Roses made it happen and we are so blessed that they kept us in the back of their minds! When we thought Red Mountain Spa was going to happen we dismissed it as an option but it didn't happen, and incidentally the day they said they wanted to contact Ben again about still maybe working there is the same day the restaurant opens! Weird fate...but so meant to be. We have been spending the week tasting food, making business plans, and it just feels so RIGHT! This is something that will work so well with our other plans and things going on. We are bringing Europe to St. George! Opera, French food, what more could you ask? There's so much more to this story but we are just so SO SO SO excited to be a part of something that we are passionate about and to do it with people we truly respect and enjoy being around makes it an even more amazing opportunity! So keep your eyes and ears open! We have a soft opening on September 15th and the grand opening will be October 17th.  Prepare to have your tastebuds pleased with fresh eclairs, pavlova, cream puffs, chicken salad sandwiches on home made croissants, crepes and more! The food is to DIE for and oh man.....you have to come try it all!

So there's that, then the opera opens the first weekend in November! And we are doing a huge Christmas festival at the Opera house in December...and the carolers will be starting to perform in November...so right now we are balancing caroling rehearsals, recipe trials, business plans, nonprofit applications and forms, opera auditions, city council meetings, photo shoots, costume creation including buying fabric and sewing all the costumes, event planning and oh yeah...PARENTING! It's extremely overwhelming but we will NOT complain. Like ever. This is our dreams coming true. So overdue and so welcome! So thanks for your prayers, your love, your faith in us and in the plan for us, and for all the words of encouragement along the way. I am truly excited to see where this year takes us!!!

Parker

So last night while thinking about Parker and his upcoming MRI (which was this morning) we started thinking about his development and tried to remember what Connor was doing at this age. Thank you blog because I had posted a lot about Connor and what he was doing right about now! It made me sad that I haven't really done the same thing for Parker. Life is just crazy busy...but it was before I guess too...something about blogging has lost my interest but for my kids sake and my memory's sake I really want to do it more. So here is a post all about Parker!

Parker is smart and silly! He loves to jabber and make new noises and he even has a squeal that is much like the one Connor had around this age. He loves almost all foods- at first he didn't really love veggies but he is coming around! He loves his sweet potatoes and squash like any baby, and the other day I got him to eat some peas. He eats cereal with some fruit mixed in after his long morning nap. He basically wakes up first thing to nurse then goes back to sleep for 2-3 hours. Heavenly! So he eats his cereal and fruit, then after some play time has a nap. Then he nurses more, and a little later has some veggie and meat, and if he's really hungry, he has another jar of fruit! He loves to play in his walker, or on the floor with some toys. He loves to be in Connor's crib with some toys, or on the floor of Connor's room which is covered with foam squares. He isn't crawling yet but he knows how to go backwards, and he pulls himself onto his tummy from sitting position. I have seriously NEVER seen him roll from back to tummy. I think he CAN but chooses not to. But so funny for a kid his age to have not done that! He's just content to not be very mobile. He is a WATCHER. He watches Connor constantly and the dogs, and just is REALLY mellow and enjoys life. He is a momma's boy and LOVES to nurse and snuggle with me. He started reaching for people in the past week or two, and I ALWAYS have preference. If I'm around he leans for me like crazy! Today when he was being prepped for his MRI I had to sit in a chair on the other side of the curtain so he wouldn't see me and get upset that he couldn't nurse. It was so funny cuz a couple of times he spotted me!  He's vey aware and alert and smiles ALL the time. People go out of their way every day to come tell me what a beautiful baby boy he is. They love his piercing blue eyes, his long eyelashes, his sweet and loving smily and his cute little curl on the top of his head. He is my BABY...he just makes me melt and I LOVE looking into his eyes.

He has started giggling more and more and he and Connor will sit together and just laugh their guts out for NO reason sometimes- just feeding on one another's laughter! It's fun to watch and makes me get tears in my eyes to see what a sweet relationship they have.  I am so happy I brought them both into this world!

As I sit typing he is sitting on my lap, watching the screen and sometimes trying to type. He is saying "Ma ma ma...da dah" and all sorts of noises that have me excited to hear him say the real words! One day he was sitting on my lap facing me and I heard him say "ma ma"so I said it again and he studied my lips really closely, then clear as day said it back to me! "Ma Ma" It sounded like one of those movie  voice overs they do for babies hahaha it was awesome! He is sitting here doing pat a cake which he has done for many months on cue. He thinks he's pretty neat. He has a sound I'm hearing more and more "Aaa beee..." sounds like "happy"  or "baby" which is cute! He also growls and makes this MAD noise when he's frustrated and sometimes we can't tell if it's Connor or Parker! He LOVES to spit and blow raspberries OVER AND OVER. It makes grandma Betsy really mad because he does it so loud! Ha ha...and he LOVES to do it when he's being fed which means we get showered in his food. GROSS. But he has a mind of his own which we love! He also loves running his hand over his lips while he talks to hear the noise it makes...ya know? Hard to explain in words. He is just sitting here saying mamamama...I LOVE it. He also love love loves the water. We have gone swimming a lot this summer and he just splashes like crazy and doesn't care when he gets his face all wet from the splashing. He also loves the tub and will kick and splash forever if we let him! He and Connor have fun taking baths together as well.

Parker doesn't go to bed very early, he stays up til 8:30 or 9:30 depending on the night but then he sleeps all night long! It's so nice to get rest. The only time he didn't sleep well was when his bottom two teeth broke through! Yep he got two at once and they are SO cute! We loved his gummer grin but his toother grin is just as adorable! He has just started eating gerber puffs in the past couple days and it's so cute to watch him reach for them and feed himself! He tried it last week but gagged on every small bite and puked...so I'm glad he's figured it out now! I'm much more laxed with him then I was with Connor..I didn't let Connor have ice cream or sugar or anything for a lot longer..but I have let Parker taste a lot of things for the past few months. He loves it!

Oh and most fun of all- he's a little singer! He has started making singing noises this past week and it's SO SWEET. I know it's cuz he sees and hears Connor singing ALL THE TIME and we have a lot more music in our home than ever with Ben's caroling group and the fact that he is singing again.  It's awesome and just how it should be!

 Wanted to capture those gummers before the teeth broke through! 

 Making that noise with his mouth and fingers..the one I was trying to describe :)

 Blowing raspberries

Not good news

So we have had some heartbreak. It's just our life's story. We had a job offer. In fact this post was originally drafted to tell everyone the great news. We were elated. They wanted Ben and were so excited for him to start. One misinterpreted question later...we're just as screwed as we always were.  I won't say the company. But they are local. We were so happy we'd be able to make good money while staying in town. Things were really falling into place for us. Well...Ben called back to accept their offer and said "So is there any wiggle room in the salary? I was hoping for a bit more but just wanted to see if there was any room for that..." And that was ALL. They said "We'll check into it and let you know." That was a Wednesday. By Friday they still hadn't called back so Ben called them. They said "Well we can't pay you that much so our offer is off the table." JUST LIKE THAT OUR DREAMS WERE DASHED AGAIN. We hadn't made a demand for more...just asked if there was a possibility of more. We would have had to pay out of pocket for health insurance, around $650 a month so we were just hoping to have a bit more to make up the difference. It wasn't greedy...it's a standard question you ask when you've been offered a job. So that's that. It's gone. The HR lady said she'd talk to the manager and let him know. The weekend went by. We got to agonize and pray our guts out. We fasted, we prayed, we cried, we got mad, we got sick, we got depressed, we got hopeful. We went through all the emotions. Monday went by and no word. So Ben called again. "She's trying to decide whether she wants to offer you the job again..." which means WHAT?! Are we in Kindergarten? Is this real life? What exactly did we do that was so OFFENSIVE and merits you to THINK about it? So Ben said "I think I was misunderstood...I am PERFECTLY fine with your offer, I was only asking if there was any room for negotiation." She said, yes I understand that...I'll talk to her and see if she's made up her mind." So that was over 24 hours ago...NOTHING. Are people really REALLY this inconsiderate? Do we live in a different universe where people aren't nice to one another and forget that we are all human and have needs? They know we have a family. They were excited about Ben's skills and wanted him for the job. And just like that they took it away. Or so it seems. I've had such a trial of faith it makes me sick. I have cried so much today my eyes are puffy. I have to keep carrying on because life goes on. I have kids...I have a photography business and clients who need me. I have a husband I have to support...so that's it.

We go in at 7:45 a.m. tomorrow for Parker's MRI. I am nervous, because he has to go under anesthesia. It carries risks. I'm sure he'll be ok. The doc just wants a better look at his brain to figure out why his head is bigger than normal, his soft spot is still very big and open, and parts of his skull aren't closed where they should be. His ventricle is bigger than the others and they don't know what that means. I really have nothing to report. He had an ultrasound on his head last week to see what the deal was and that's when they found the ventricle issue. Needless to say it's been a long week. I am exhausted in every way. We are going to California Thursday to visit and it will be a much needed and wanted trip. Here are some pics of the boys...because no post is complete without pictures. :) Pray for us please.

 Connor's a warlock...pretty powerful stuff!

Love this adorable little face!!!

The sweetest moments

I LOVE being a mom. I had a month a while back where I didn't like it so much. I was tired and crying a lot and asking WHY can't I just ENJOY this phase?!  I know it won't last forever! But things changed, kids started sleeping a bit better and I am finally ENJOYING motherhood again. The transition to two has been interesting and I don't know what I'd do if I didn't live with family. I guess adjust--the way all moms do. But I am a lucky girl.

There have been moments lately that take my breath away and even bring tears to my eyes. Watching my sons together is the sweetest thing ever.   A couple weeks ago Connor hurt Parker- he bit his hand and Parker was SO sad. In the midst of this I was mad at Connor and telling him how mean that was and he needed to say sorry. He came over to Parker and said "I'm sorry Parker--I love you- so much!" It was the first time Connor had really ever said I love you without being prompted and the fact that he said it to his brother was SO tender. He comforts him all the time and tells him "It's ok Parker. Does that feel better? I love you!" He even says "I love you Parkin' Lot!" which is my dad's nickname for Parker. The way Parker watches Connor tells me he loves him too. I sometimes feel bad that Parker will never get to have me all to himself- he's not the first born. But then I realize how lucky he is to have an older brother. One like Connor- he's insanely lucky!

It's HARDER than I ever thought to be the mother of a two year old. He honestly is the BUSIEST kid I've ever been around. He breaks everything and is deliberately naughty a LOT. But for all his naughtiness he has just as much tenderness and sweetness and love. He asks me "whats' wrong mommy?" when I'm hurt or when he can just tell I'm stressed. He says "I'm sorry mommy" when he makes me upset. He always has had good manners but to be a caring person is so wonderful.

Parker is growing so fast it makes me sad- but I LOVE watching him learn. He does "pat a cake" on cue and we all sorta feel like he's a very bright and observant kid. He has a lot of people to watch and learn from so it's no wonder but I am proud of his every move nonetheless. He's so snuggly and tender and precious! He eats like a champ- lots of yummy baby food lately. I love that I still nurse him though. It's an experience I never was able to enjoy or cherish with Connor and I know Parker and I share a sweet bond from that.

It's so easy to feel like a crappy mom when I don't dedicate every waking second to watching my kids play and learn. I spend some time working on organizing our house or doing some photo editing. I even spend some of their "play" time behind the lens of my camera working on my skills. But then I have moments like today that make me realize I'm doing an ok job- and I am living out the greatest dream I ever had- being a mommy. Connor LOVES the primary song "Whenever I hear the Song of a Bird". He knows it very well as well as a lot of other songs since we got him a primary piano for Christmas. He watches this music video and not a time goes by that I don't cry a little. But today I watched/listened to him sing along to the video and I felt the spirit SO strong. I know the Lord's angels are surrounding us when those moments happen. I know the sacred role I possess is glorified in those moments- and I feel comfort to have patience and do my very best as a mommy.